Potty Training Has Become A Power Struggle

Sometimes normal developmental testing behavior spills over into the potty training process. Your potty age child may not have the self restraint to avoid escalating conflicts, so it's up to you to be the voice of calm. Power struggles put you against your child at a time when your child needs respectful guidance on his side.

• Stay calm, at least while in the same room as your child. Try something like, "INSTEAD OF FIGHTING, ILL BE BACK IN TWO MINUTES. THEN WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT".

• Let the rules speak instead of your authority. For example, "EVERYONE HAS TO WEAR A PULL UP OR UNDERPANTS IN THE STORE. WHICH ONE WILL IT BE?."

• Substitute Gentle reminders for harsh directives. Avoid statements like, "PUT DOES PANTS ON RIGHT NOW!" Instead offer the choice, "TWO MORE MINUTES TO GET YOUR PANTS ON THEN I'LL BE IN TO HELP YOU."

• Do not give choices when you don't mean it. Instead of, "DO YOU WANT TO POTTY BEFORE GETTING IN THE CAR?" try in a singsongy voice, "TIME FOR PRE-CAR POTTY PIT STOP!"

• Give lots of empowering choices when you do mean it, when both choices lead to your child to the desire behavior. For example, hop or skip to the bathroom, Superman underwear or SpongeBob underwear.

• Shut down inappropriate "power surges" quickly. For example, if your child is ready to throw the potty chair, take it calmly and place it out of reach.

• Be ready to say what you want your child to do, not what you don't want. For example 'LETS RELAX AND TAKE A MINUTE TO REGROUP." Or "WE NEED TO WALK TO OUR CAR. IT'S HARD TO THINK WITH SO MANY PEOPLE WATCHING US."

• Expect more tantrum as your child releases excessive frustration. Have a tantrum plan to contain hurtful behavior, designate a place where your child can fall apart without hurting himself or being destructive.

• Power struggles are never fun. Just remember testing behavior is a necessary part of healthy development, that is, when the parent don't fall apart, too.